apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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