How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
