there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
