we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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