she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
