I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
