and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
