It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
