My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
