So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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