Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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