We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
