FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
