who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
