You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
