im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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