Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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