Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
