I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
