Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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