I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
why do cheetos always look like penises
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
