I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
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I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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