i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
there is puke in my bra ... again
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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