we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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