I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
