Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Betty ford says i'm here all night
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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