She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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