i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
