I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
