Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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