you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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