Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well I just put wine in my tea
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
