Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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