yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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