Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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