But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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