people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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