i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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