So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
