The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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