walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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