Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
