Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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