Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
