I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
