dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
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I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
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I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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