im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
