i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
