Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm passing your future prison.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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