Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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