Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
