You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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