i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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