Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
