If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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