Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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