For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
