lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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