I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
