Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it was like eating out sand paper
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
