Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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