chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
