yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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