I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
