Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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