I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
