Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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