my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
