hotel room ftw
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
