we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
